Mayonnaise

Why? Dear God why?? Why does every grocery store deli market, and every sandwich shop in America think they need to apply this foul condiment onto each sandwich that they make. It's not even a question any more. They feel like it is such a vital part to a sandwich that it doesn't even need to be listed among the ingredients. When you read the wrapper on a turkey and cheese sandwich it says, "turkey, cheese, lettuce." It's assumed that you know because this is a sandwich you are about to purchase, it contains mayonnaise by default. Who made up that stupid rule? Do they not make mustard packets? And ketchup packets? And relish, and pepper, and salt, and any number of other separate packages containing ways to douse your food in some flavor not even remotely related to the actual food that you are supposedly so excited to experience? Why then, don't they just have a packet of mayonnaise? As you walk out of the store with your newly acquired sandwich, you pass the condiment table and you pick up your packet of mayonnaise. It's not like someone is going to walk into the store about to buy a double-decker club and then realize, "wait, this place doesn't have mayonnaise pre-slathered onto the sandwiches! I have to reach down to the table next to the cash register to pick up a mayo packet and then apply it myself? What horse-shit is that??"

It's not a deal-breaker is all I'm trying to say here. However I don't know how many times I've looked at a deli-counter and said to myself, "Shit, I'm really hungry and I wouldn't mind paying 8 bucks for that chicken club. But they already put mayonnaise all over it. I guess I have to go somewhere else." I'm getting sick-and-fucking-tired of having to order the goddamn chicken fingers because everything else has been drenched in creamy lard!

So here's my suggestion to the sandwich manufacturers. Just make the damn things plain. Apply the meat and veggies to the bread. People are (supposedly) advanced creatures, they have opposable thumbs and free will. I think they'll put mayo on their sandwich themselves if it's that fucking crucial.