Going Fast, Slowly

Story #1

I've got a lot of work ahead of me.

I recently purchased a motorcycle for the princely sum of zero dollars and zero cents. Why so cheap you ask? Let's start with what it is, a 1985 Suzuki GS550E. True it's old, but it's only got 19,000 miles on it. Surely that's worth some bit of monetary exchange? Allow me to retort. Not only is it old, but it hasn't been run in 5 years. Now we're getting somewhere. It's been sitting under a deck outside for one quarter of it's life. The rubber parts are so weathered that the hand grips have turned to a black powder that coats your hands if you try and grab them. The paint, though vibrant and colorful from being under the deck and out of the sun has started to bubble from the random formation of rust on the tank. God knows how the rust formed, there was nothing wrong with the paint in those areas. The tires are cracked and air pressure is almost nil. They are in no way safe to use on the street. The turn signals are filled with water and practically falling off. One actually is falling off, held on only by a piece of wire. The brakes look alright, but I have a feeling that they aren't functioning at the moment. I have no idea if it will even run. I need to change every drop of fluid, battery and spark plug in the thing and probably rebuild the carburetor before I even try to start it up.

So why bother messing with this even if it was free? As Jim so eloquently put in the comments section, I need something to do and rally racing is friggin expensive. Maybe this will give you incentive to finally fix up your dad's bike and you can come ride with me Jim. Another big selling point for picking up this heap, 55 miles to the gallon. That's right, this gigantic moped is going to deliver me from the evil of high gas prices! So what if it costs me $600 in parts just to get it street able. I'll make that back in a
year. And common, motorcycles are a hoot.

Story #2

On a different subject, I have a new nickname. Let me start with the tale behind it. My boss and I left for a meeting up near DC last Thursday. I get the key's to one of the company cars, go find it out in the lot, then swing by the entrance to the building to pick up my passenger. All's well, we drive a couple hours, and stop for lunch about 2 minutes away from the meeting. We eat, then go back to the car. I slide behind the wheel, put the key in the ignition, and it won't turn. I try jiggling it. Nothing. I try forcing it. Still won't turn. My boss calls me a wuss and I let him try.

No dice, he can't get it to work either. He had heard about something that happens sometimes with Fords if you park it with the wheels turned too much. The steering wheel was locked out, it wouldn't turn. Even with the engine off it still should have been able to turn. We tried to get something out of the trunk, but the key wouldn't work in the trunk, it wouldn't manually unlock the doors. It was like we had the wrong key! Except for the fact that I had just driven 2 hours up the highway so I knew it had to work. The car stayed there overnight and we were 2 hours late for the meeting after we found a rental car.

They company car had been at a dealership getting diagnosed until today. It was the wrong key. I had taken the wrong vehicle and in order to get it to work again, the dealer up in DC had to completely re-key the whole car. I can't explain why the car started that day and allowed me to get as far as I did, neither can anyone else. They've started calling me Hot-Wire.