Bovine Copulation

For those of you who have watched Clerks, and I know you are many, you may recall a line by Jay that told of the wisdom dispensed by his incontinent grandmother. "Why buy the cow when you get the sex for free?"

Being generally disinterested in bestiality, I am more often exposed to the phrase in this manner. "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?" This is the one liner more commonly peddled about by concerned parents and the religious-right at large. It makes economic sense I suppose. If I'm able to get free internet through my neighbor's unsecured wireless network, I'm sure not going to shell out 50 bucks a month for my own broadband access. However, if I were to purchase my own cable-modem, and found out that said cable-modem was a cold heartless ice-queen in bed, I could cancel my internet access and get DSL. Without the requirement of paying the cable company $1000/month for alimony. Buying a cow is a much larger commitment than buying internet access. That's certainly asking an awfully large leap of faith from someone who just wants a tall glass of milk.

Here's another way to look at it, one that I find to be eminently more practical, and just as economically sound. Perhaps if more people stopped to seriously think about this, there would be fewer divorces and more happy marriages. You can all thank Kelly for coining this little gem. "Why buy the cow, if you haven't tasted the milk?"

Why indeed?